Disenfranchised Dollface

I’m back. Hiiiiiiii.

It’s been a while I know. And I probably should apologise but I see no need. I didn’t ask you to read this blog

*drops microphone, walks off stage*

*walks back on stage, coughs nervously, picks up scuffed mic*

The world I see around me has forced me to revisit this blog. Because there is still an entire generation of women of a certain age who are dealing with so many hardships, I cannot sit on the sidelines and say nothing.

I re-read my last post this morning. It was cautiously optimistic. It hurt me actually. I was so honest about my debt, my loneliness, my homelessness, my hopelessness, it brought tears to my eyes. I’m in a better place now. Not great but at least I can sleep through the night (thanks to my handy ‘sound of the ocean’ app).

My debt is now under control, I’m still single (MUCH more on that in upcoming posts), and I’m not in any way making enough money still. My profession is dying. In my head, it continues to crash to the ground in slow-motion, like a giant toppling oak tree. Shame.

doll-faceI’m working on finding other things to do but at 44, it’s not easy to go through another rebirth. But when has easy been a reason not to do it?

No, what drove me back into the arms of Spinny is the increasing army of women who have cried in my arms recently. Those disenfranchised dollfaces who are struggling to make sense of their middle years. Not all are single. Some are married. Some have kids. Some would love kids and are too old to have them. Some have cancer. Some are bitter. Some are sad. Some have lousy marriages. Some can’t pay their rent next month. Some are so angry they just want to punch the crap out of anyone who looks at them the wrong way.

Most just don’t know what the fuck went so wrong.

I don’t have the answers. I can go over and over my life and point out the mistakes IN RETROSPECT. But what good does that do? It passes time, but so does reading a good book.

So I’ve come back to inspire, amuse and maybe help you through this dark passage (and believe me,  you being there helps me too).

The world is a mess. Our lives reflect that.

This is not what we were promised.

Remember the ‘you can have it all’ mantra?

Oh Cosmo. Have it all. Yep. Excuse me while I wrap a corset around my middle from laughing so hard MY SIDES ARE FALLING OFF.

What is ‘our all’? You can have maybe one or two of the following: health, sex, love, money, success, friendship, good skin, great tits, a big house, a nice car, security, happiness, contentment, an iPad mini…

All? I don’t think so missy.

Our ‘all’ belongs in the pages of a glossy women’s magazine from the 1970’s. A relic from the past covered in cobwebs, cigarette ash and spilled martinis.

So if we can’t have it all, what can we have?

Our tears? Yes. Let’s own our tears because they are CONSISTENT and they prove our STRENGTH. They prove we can still FEEL and be human.

If you are my friend, I will let you cry in my arms.

Your sweet little dollface will never be disenfranchised from me. NEVER.

I promise, I cannot make it right, but I will give YOU my ALL. It’s not what you were promised but it’s what you’re going to get. And if you’re my friend, I expect the same back from you. If we are disenfranchised from life, we CANNOT be disenfranchised from each other.

Let’s work this out together.

*drops scuffed mic, which is now more scuffed*

Spinny out.


4 Comments on “Disenfranchised Dollface”

  1. Oh, how we’ve missed you, for there is no one who calls us out, wipes away the runny mascara, pats our cheeks and drops a microphone quite like you.

    Welcome back,dear Spinny. 🙂

  2. Claire says:

    I only found your blog after you’d gone…lovely that you came back 🙂

  3. Lake says:

    So happy that you’re back and very excited about your new direction with this blog !

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