12 Spinster Tweets #withhashtagpairingsPosted: December 7, 2011
Let’s talk Spinster. Here are 12 examples of what you might expect to find in a Spinster twitter feed, complete #withhashtagpairings
Food updates (and their justification)
It’s ok to eat six cupcakes at once because no-one will see me naked tonight, right? #foodie
Suggest often that they are better off than couples in any situation
So hey, my car might have exploded on the freeway but at least I don’t have to go home to a cheating husband. #PHEW
Has a dig at the latest It Girl.
Shenae Grimes. WHO? #howdoyouevensayshenae?
And also at smug marrieds.
…AND they were wearing MATCHING sweaters #gross
Talk frankly about their changing pre-menopausal body.
If my nipples get any hairier they’ll be talking Wookie #starwars #nerd #boobs
Make fake(ish) suicide threats.
If I didn’t have my cat, I would kill myself. JOKING. Not. YES I AM. #kinda
Passive aggressively lament over losing friends to new relationships (but pretend to be happy)
Me & Meg love the Black Keys gig but 2nite she’s going 2 c them with her new bf & that’s cool cos I’m watching The Biggest Loser. On Tivo. #Luvumeg
Start sentences with ‘In my day…’
In my day…women used to dress like individuals #itstrue
State the obvious
I’m lonely #single
Write emo-style about things they think might shock you
If it wasn’t for masturbation I’d cut myself, so fuck you #itsmylife
Make hideous lifecoachy declarations laden with subtext
“It’s ok to be alone when the world is this pretty. Count your blessings! #sunsetatthebeach
Boast about their extreme exercise routine (gotta burn off that sexual energy somehow).
15 mile run before breakfast. DONE. Bring it #DeluthTriathlon! #woo #yeah
Follow mine on Twitter @hollywoodspinny