When friends cross over (from single to married to parents)

At a party this weekend, I saw a huge change in two friends.

They married 18 months ago and have always been known as big party givers. Lovely people. Generous, kind and fun-loving.

But this party was different.

They’ve made no secret of the fact that they want to start a family as soon as possible, and from what I can tell, part of this plan seems to involve surrounding themselves with tiny people, maybe as some kind of good luck charm?

I walked into the house and couldn’t believe how many kids (mostly toddlers) were there.

How had this happened?

I haven’t seen them for a while and their gatherings had always been child-free, casual and relaxing. Not today. (Kids playing bumper cars with your shins, parents yelling across the room, cheesy snacks flying through the air.)

Speaking to Sally (as I shall call her), she seemed slightly altered. We talked for a couple of minutes before I saw a faraway look in her eyes, her attention wandered and then she suddenly dropped to her knees. What the hell?

I looked down to see her talking very gently to a girl clutching a stuffed toy.

It was sweet but I thought to myself, ‘I’ve lost her.’

I can easily blank out little people *swat* while her radar was on full alert.

Exchanging information with another single friend a few minutes later, we realised that neither of us had seen ‘Sally and Harry’ for months and months.

We’re not their inner circle anymore.

We’re no longer relevant to the life they want to lead.

Now it’s all mums and dads and couples and kids.

They’ve crossed over.

It happens. I get it.

Made me momentarily sad though.

Spinny out.


4 Comments on “When friends cross over (from single to married to parents)”

  1. I was the party giver. I stopped hosting parties when most my closest friends started asking if they could bring their kids. That really bothered me. Here I am, going through all the expense of throwing a lavish party with signature cocktails and gourmet food and instead of getting away from your kids for an evening you’d rather chase them around my house? And these are people who can afford babysitters.

    In my case, I’m the one that started staying away. If I wanted to be around kids I would have had some of my own. It’s sad because you wind up distancing yourself from people you were really close to.

    • It is sad because these are great people but I know it will never be the same again. I drove for an hour to get there. Probably wont do that again, and couldn’t leave fast enough to be honest.

      That’s very disrespectful of your friends to do that to you. It’s like these people’s entire minds are wiped clean after they have kids. Have they ever said to you, ‘Hey, why is it you never come to our parties any more?’ I bet they haven’t, you weird single childless lady you!

  2. No, they don’t really ask me why. It just gets old that I have to go out of my way and work around THEIR schedule. Our conversations usually go like this:

    Them: We miss you!
    Me: Ok, I’m going to be in town on [date]. I’ll come over and hang out.
    Them: Oh, no. Muffy or Taffy or Billy has a soccer game that day. How about [this date]?
    Me: No response. (In my mind, fuck you then.)

    And so it’s been more than a year that I’ve seen them.

    • Makes your heart sink, doesn’t it. I was at a dinner party last night and had to tell the parents to stop talking about school politics and pee. I never used to say anything, now I just call them on it. I really don’t want to hear the story about little Johnny peeing in his underwear drawer while I’m trying to eat my tagliatelle.

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