A Thanksgiving message to all my fellow SpinnysPosted: November 24, 2011
For a women by herself, especially one of a certain age, there are days in the calendar that are simply HARD WORK. Today is one such date.
(Really, you need me to list the others? Christmas, Valentines, any public holiday that involves family gatherings, weddings, bachelorette parties, baby showers and the Grey’s Anatomy finale).
Today I shall be with an old school friend and her family. I’ll be following all their traditions, smiling and going along with it all, but underneath thinking, ‘How am I celebrating another Thanksgiving by myself? Without a family of my own? When does that change?’
With the best will in the world I will not be able to help myself.
At certain points I will run through everything I have to give Thanks for but through a dark Spinny filter – the ‘what if?’ and the ‘why didn’t it happen for me?’ is always there.
I woke up at 3am last night having a panic attack about it all.
Because I still feel, at 43, that I do not belong ANYWHERE.
So I will sit around a table, as I have done for all my life, with someone else’s family and children, but unlike my younger years when I was full of optimism for my future, I will probably drink more than I eat, chew some turkey and spend the day trying not to lose it like this guy.
Then at some point I will find myself feeling thankful for this blog because I now know – without a shadow of a doubt – that I am NOT the only woman out there who feels like this.
I’ll reach for another glass of wine, silently give thanks to you all, curse that damn ‘S Word’, and snarf 12 slices of pie to hide my feelings from the ‘others’.
Women like us don’t have it easy. Some might argue that we have it all – but we know that’s not how it works.
So I would say that if you, and I, can find thanks for something – be it your writing, you new iPad, or the fact that you managed to turn up for lunch without looking like the crazy lady who sits outside the 7/11 with her life crammed into a Best Buy cart – then do it. When the bigger picture is a mess, you have to celebrate the small things.
We’re survivors you and me.
That’s not always enough but it’s what we have.
So, here’s your Thanksgiving checklist:
GOOD UNDERWEAR – gives you a psychological edge when playing those tedious boardgames.
ALCOHOL – to combat the lethal combination of football, family and frivolity.
RESOLVE – this day will pass. But hey, at least you’ll have eaten a good meal and not a Lean Cuisine.
Happy Thanksgiving lovelies!
See you on Twitter @hollywoodspinny