“I didn’t think you were upset because you didn’t lose weight”

That’s what one friend said to me after I broke up with my boyfriend of two years at the end of last year.

Not every woman “does a Demi” (not the bump this time) and half starves from sadness.

Some women turn to food for comfort.

That’s what I did.

And because of that my friend’s words stung.

Women can be cruel – and none more so than with a comment like that.

Are we only supposed to prove our grief by shrinking?

Is it some kind of warped competition?

Unsurprisingly, I didn’t speak to my galpal for a while after that, and it changed our friendship in the long term.

I found it insulting that my emotional devastation was being measured in pounds and kilos.

I’ve since lost the post break-up weight, and look better than I have in years.

Still not skinny though.

I like taking up space in this world.

Spinny out.

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4 Comments on ““I didn’t think you were upset because you didn’t lose weight””

  1. I lost my appetite. I always do when it comes to “man problems.” But now that I’m not heartbroken anymore, I’m turning to food. You know, fattening up for the harsh Southern California winter. You’d get a kick out of my film.

  2. But would you think that someone who didn’t lose weight, but put it on, was not upset at their break-up? That’s what she thought.

    And also, did you revel in losing the weight, to act the victim? People sympathise if you’re small and weak (this might be subconsciously why some women lose weight after a break up).

  3. No, I would think the opposite. A girl here at work blew up after getting dumped. I mean BLEW UP. And in a very short time. I was shocked.

    I didn’t revel in it. Also, I didn’t lose that much weight. Just enough for people to say I looked great.

  4. It’s interesting because I’ve lost weight this year on my own terms and am enjoying getting the compliments knowing it’s NOT because of HIM.

    But the friend I talked about here banged on endlessly about every pound she was losing and how impossible it was to keep food down. She was so consumed with her drama that she couldn’t see my pain (we split up with our ex’s at the same time). In the end I said to her ‘You haven’t even asked me how I am.’ And that’s when she said, ‘I thought you were ok because you hadn’t lost any weight.’

    And that’s when I wanted to punch her. Instead, her calls went to voicemail for a few weeks.


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