Sparring with ‘the marrieds’.Posted: August 6, 2011
Recently, I wrote about how I’d upset a married friend.
I apologised to her for the sake of our friendship but stood my ground on one thing, that “couples have it easier than singles.”
Do you really need me to go over why?
She accepted my apology but only in such a way as to make me feel that I was somehow the lesser woman.
I find that time and again ‘marrieds’ or worse, ‘marrieds with children’ seem to think they hold the higher moral ground on absolutely everything.
The friend I upset sent me a long email detailing how hard her marriage was, and how she had to hang on in there for the sake of the children.
But in such as way as to imply that all of the above was much more important than anything I might be going through.
She told me that she loved me inspite of our “increasingly different lives”.
Like I was somehow at fault for not procreating.
Remember, all these women were single and childless once.
I remember. Shame they cannot.
There was another recent incident with a ‘married with children’ who – during one of the toughest episodes of my life – told me that my attitude was negative, and maybe I should read “The Secret”.
Yes, you’re right dear friend. My bad luck has everything to do with my so-called negative attitude and nothing to do with a global recession, an ex who lied and the fact that when a woman has to struggle alone, it is exactly what it sounds – a struggle.
But we can solve that all with a book of recycled Chicken Soup, can’t we?
I felt like I’d been swatted away like a fly.
You got no kids sista, you no matter.
As it is, before you get any ideas, I’m a well-respected writer whose work is published in many high-profile publications and because I refuse to be beaten, because my nature is optimistic, have just started a new production company.
I move to another country by myself to start a new life. I have lots of friends. I barely have time to do my laundry.
That’s not the life of one who is negative.
That’s the life of a single woman in survival mode.
But here’s the thing – you pour your heart out to someone who has been closeted by marriage and cushioned by another human being for years, and for some reason, they fail to have any compassion.
These women, who as I’ve said before were once single and childless, seem to be the modern-day masterminds of Logan’s Run. Remember that movie? Where once you hit 30, you were terminated.
I wonder if these women feel that way about their spinster friends?
There’s definitely a loathing (albeit a subtext), and a lack of empathy from these women, and I’ve noticed that it’s getting worse since I passed 40.
I’m too old to be mothered. No longer the ingenue.
I’m past it.
Whatever it took to ‘get a man’ I failed. I haven’t done what nature intended.
Therefore. I. Do. Not. Matter.
Just like Logan’s Run, me and every other spinster on the planet should be taken to be terminated.
Clutching a copy of “The Secret”… and photographs of us from our past.
When we all started equal, and everybody cared.