Is everyone’s ideal woman Stephen Fry?

Stephen Merchant, actor and one of the creator/writers of The Office and Extras, has said that his ideal woman would have the “body of Kelly Brook and the mind of Stephen Fry”.

Good luck to him, I say. If he can find, he can have it.

But with one devastating sentence he gets to the heart of why so many woman are single after a certain age. And why so many men date young girls, while remaining mentally and emotionally unfulfilled.

I have no idea how to resolve this conundrum because I’m as guilty as the next person.

If I could put Stephen Fry’s intellect into the body of Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights, and give him the singing voice of Hugh Jackman, I’d be a very happy bunny indeed.

Which begs the question, on some level, does everyone want to sleep with Stephen Fry?

He’s the bachelor’s wet dream, and the spinster’s Christmas all wrapped up in one stimulating package.

I saw him recently at Chateau Marmont, sitting on the patio, tapping away at his laptop. I really, REALLY wanted to walk over and say something. But what the hell do you say to Stephen Fry that’s not going to make you sound like a blithering idiot?

One of my long-held fantasies, and this is absolutely true, is to have Stephen Fry teach me to play chess.

Yes, that’s right people, chess.

I imagine us sequestered in a cosy library somewhere, coffee and brandy to hand, a spot of Al Bowlly on the iPod, while we pore over a chess board.

The picture here is of Stephen, and his good friend Hugh Laurie, playing chess at Cambridge University in 1980.

I think I’ve just melted.

Sitting in that room feels comfortable and challenging, rather than sexual. Although the best sex is also both of those things.

Over the years I have managed to pass on my chess fantasy to Mr Fry precisely once. A friend of mine interviewed him ten years ago, and by all accounts he was flattered and amused by the request.

Stephen, now I’m on the shelf, I’m happy to eschew the singing voice, and the athletic physique, for a couple of hours with you in that library. You know where to find me.

Oh, and to the other Stephen (Merchant), I know many women who, although don’t have the body of Kelly Brook, have so much to offer it would be egregious of me to even think about listing their many attributes.

We’re the New Spinsters.

And, you know what, we’re alright.

Spinny out.


One Comment on “Is everyone’s ideal woman Stephen Fry?”

  1. God yes I love the intelligent ones. And I’m starting to believe I have a thing for authority figures. Any captain in anything will do it for me. Any ultimate authority, blah, blah gets my attention and holds it. I remember the younger me being transfixed by every move Judge Ito made during the trial. Other people were on to Chris Darden or…okay, I did have a minor thing for Barry Sheck, so maybe it’s caped crusaders after all.

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