Boundaries.Posted: July 21, 2011
How much of your time do you give to others?
How long do you spend listening to the same stories?
Why don’t we protect our boundaries more?
I think people see single women as easy targets.
“She’s got time to listen.”
“She’s got nothing better to do.”
The irony is that single women, in my opinion, should make themselves less available to others.
We have no-one to care for us, therefore we must care about ourselves more.
I’m not saying be more selfish but more wary of those emotional vampire friends. The ones who seem to think it’s okay to bore your ear off about the boyfriend or husband (because it’s usually the boyfriend or husband), call you up at any hour expecting you drop what you’re doing, or be sympathetic even when you have your own issues going on.
To survive as a single woman, you must be able to say no to these people.
Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean you’re available.
My mother used to tell me that I would make myself too available to my friends. That I would listen too long. Take on too much heartache.
I thought she was being harsh but with hindsight she was right.
Because while I was listening to their relationship woes, their concerns about child-care or career dilemmas, I wasn’t looking after myself.
Not having boundaries hurt me.
The fall-out of having your girlfriends whine, sob or rant for hours is that you end up in a soggy heap on the floor.
While they’ve off-loaded their anxiety, and are skipping out the door to give Blokey once last chance, you are left to clear up the mess.
Many the evening I’ve left the bar or put the phone down utterly depressed.
I think sub-consciously I left the UK to as a way of putting a physical distance between me and the women who were draining me of my precious positive energy. Since I arrived in the States, I’ve got really good at saying no to people.
I have found my boundaries.
I will not always be on the end of the phone to you.
(It doesn’t mean I love you less, it just means I care about myself a little more.)
I don’t have the answers. I’m still looking for my own.
I don’t always care about you. But I do love you.
And I love me too.
And that’s why I have my boundaries.