Catch 42?

One of the things my mum (and some of my friends) used to tell me in my twenties was that I was ‘too picky’ because I didn’t date many men (I just knew they were wrong for me so why bother?).

However, as I got older, I started to give men the benefit of the doubt. My friends persuaded me that I needed to ‘give them a try’.

I widened the net.

I compromised.

But all that happened was that I ended up in low-grade relationships, and living in a constant cycle of disappointment.

And now here I am at 42, being told – because I’m still single – to be picky again.

I’m being told to:

Write lists describing my ideal man.

Know what I want.

Be serious about dating.

Be clear about my expectations.

Write more bloody lists.

Well, I started out that way, and it got me no dates.

Being more open to ‘possibilities’ got me bad dates.

And now I’m back at square one.

Catch 42?

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7 Comments on “Catch 42?”

  1. Natacha Von Braun says:

    This is all too familiar. I thought I knew what I wanted, had a list, and when I found it, it turned out I didn’t want THAT. Then I decided to keep an open mind. That didn’t work either. So I basically gave up on dating while processing the very likely possibility that I’d be alone for the rest of my life. Exhausted, I just couldn’t fathom one more second of not being myself while trying to be what men wanted. So I decided to focus on my filmmaking, writing and art and being myself. While I wasn’t looking, he found me last fall. I always knew deep down that would be the way it would go down.

    It was eerie. It still is. It’s surreal to be living the relationship that you always fantasized about. To be with someone who’s good for you. It took me a while to believe it was reality.

    • I’ve been thinking about this comment for a day or so and it makes my heart sing. It also confuses me more! These are the stories that keep you going on those dark and lonely nights. I’ve spent a lot of time focussing on my career and he didn’t find me then. Then I spent time trying to find him and my career took a nosedive – and that didn’t work out AT ALL. I’m kind of at a loss. All I know is that I need to make my future financially secure because it’s just me, so I’m working all hours to do that. I’m so busy, I’m not sure I’ll notice him if he turns up. They say timing is everything… I do wonder if my ship has sailed. It would be a pleasant surprise to me to be able to one day say that I’m in the relationship I fantasize about. In fact, just writing it down blows my mind.

  2. Natacha Von Braun says:

    Sorry Spinny. I was wrong. Really wrong.

  3. Now. What does that mean exactly? Wrong about what?


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