Two things you should know about Hollywood

There are two things you should always assume when you live in Hollywood:

1. All the men you meet are gay.

2. Everything you see around you, is most likely a movie being made.

So that hot fireman you lusted after at the lights on Beverly this morning. Forget it.

He’s an impoverished artist called Tim, doing a few days background work on a summer blockbuster, and he’s got the hots for a blonde barista called Greg.

That’s just the way it is.

If you want a real fireman, set fire to your house.*

*Don’t do that. Ever.


One Comment on “Two things you should know about Hollywood”

  1. Natacha Von Braun says:

    I assume all men are gay. Especially good looking ones. Also, I live in Silverlake. They’re either gay or hipsters and who wants either or? I have a funny story.

    About 3 years ago my producing partner and I were shooting a short satire (fake commercial) that involved a lot of fake blood, a bird and some porn magazines. Her sister took off to party and left her 8 year old with us to babysit while we shot in our apartment. The kid was handful. He just would not go to bed so we let him hang around while we shot. We had a two girl crew, me on camera and she doing everything else and just one actor.

    At around 10:00 p.m., in the middle of a shot, I hear her screaming ALEX! ALEX! ALEX! I was focused on the shot and thought she was scolding him. It turns out he was having a seizure of some kind. Then he dropped to the ground. So my friend went berserk screaming and in a matter of seconds, the whole apartment building was in our living room. I still laugh at the looks on their faces when they encountered blood splattered everywhere and a kid on the ground having a seizure. Oh, just wait…it will get funnier.

    So the firemen and paramedics show up and OH MY FUCKING GOD. These guys were over 6 ft tall and gorgeous. Movie star looks. I am not even exaggerating. They kept asking what was going on and all I could think of was how bad I looked dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, no make up and covered in fake blood. Then I spotted the porn magazines and quickly hid them. For some reason they were having trouble buying we were shooting a film. Hello? It’s LA? Anyway, we took off to the hospital. And again, horrified looks when people in the waiting room saw me covered in blood. In case you’re wondering the kid was okay. I’m not sure they ever found what was wrong with him.

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