We’re not meant to have it all

Two woman I know are trying to get pregnant. They seem so downcast, and I get it – they want to be mothers – but I also think they’re incredibly lucky.

They found wonderful men who love them. Loved them enough to marry them and commit to them for life, in front of their friends and family.  Solid, stand up, generous guys – and they chose my friends.

I’ve never found that. I’m not sure I ever will.

They have someone to come home to at night. Share the burden. Cook for.

Hug.

I don’t.

I never met that man, and now I’m in my forties, I have come to realise that I will never have children. Unlike them, I don’t even have a hope.

From what I can see, they already have a lot to be thankful for.

I’m not being mean. I just see their lives in abundance, and it annoys me that their fairytale romances aren’t enough.

It’s a human condition. I get it. Naturally, they want a family. But their lives are my dreams.

So I look at them with envy, while they look on with envy at the yummy mummy’s wandering around the farmer’s market or mall, wishing it was them pushing the buggy, and crying from lack of sleep.

I really hope they both get pregnant. And I hope I meet my man.

Only life isn’t doesn’t always play ball.

But if this was a game, in my eyes, they’re already be first past the post.

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2 Comments on “We’re not meant to have it all”

  1. Wayne says:

    My man what is that?? My partner is what you are looking for! Surely!

  2. Pura Vida says:

    Spinny, you’ve articulated what I’ve been mired in for the last year. I’m going to get off of my ass and venture into what I’ve been told is a beautiful day. I’ll try not to focus on my nagging loneliness, or the hordes of handholders with children around me. I’ll try to focus on something else. Maybe the copy of a Milosz anthology I’ve been toting around for a week. Maybe the guy sitting across from me at a cafe will be staring at some Brodsky. And maybe I won’t grimace when his wife joins him xox


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