Oh shut up.

I will not.

Welcome to my Hollywood Spinster blog. Not only do I intend to celebrate the modern-day cliche that I’ve become but also share with you the trials and tribulations of being a 42-year-old, single, British woman in Hollywood. It’s not good, people. In fact, those of you who dislike wrinkles, name-dropping, expats, unwanted body-hair and hot water bottles should look away now.

I live in Los Angeles where the optimum age for a desirable woman is somewhere between ‘child-star-on-the-cusp-of-adulthood’ and two weeks after that.

My life isn’t over but sometimes it feels like I’m turning invisible. I’ve recently noticed men looking at me, only for me to look slightly to the left or right, and realise they’re actually checking out the young blonde, coyly reading US Weekly.

But I’m not going down without a fight. I didn’t intend to be single at 42, it just sort of happened to me. Fortunately, I’m not alone – the single, over-40 female is a fast expanding demographic. But my response isn’t to botox my forehead to the hilt (although never say never), or freeze my eggs (too late), my answer is to write about it. With a British accent.

And as this is a kind of manifesto blog entry I want you to know that I’m also reclaiming the word spinster. SPINSTER. Yes, people, there it is, IN YOUR FACE. And right now, I’m holding it dear to my slightly less perky bosom.

I’m well aware it conjures up images of Marge Simpson’s sisters, Miss Marple (who I love FYI – I bought a bike with a wicker basket because it looks like the one she cycles around St Mary Mead on), ovaries like dried sultanas, early nights, comfortable shoes and cats (um, we’ll get back to that checklist later), but I love it. It’s a statement word. But what exactly IS a spinster?

Wikipedia’s definition is thus:

‘A spinster, or old maid, is an older, childless woman who is unmarried.’

That just about sums it up.

Join me as I navigate my way around Hollywood, armed only with a box of wax strips, Radio 4 and a sense of humour. I’ll be writing (that’s the day job after all), observing, dating and experiencing the craziness of this city on a daily basis.

I’ll leave you with this list of amusing sub-categories that appears on the Wikipedia page:

Oh, be still my beating heart. I have SO much to say about this bizarre situation I find myself in, and I’m going to say it, right here. But not just yet, I have a cat to weave.

Follow my spinny musings on Twitter @hollywoodspinny

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